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A PROGRAM OF THE U.S. CHAMBER OF COMMERCE FOUNDATION
 

IOM Blog

December 16, 2022

Yes or No?

This is one of my favorite times of the year.  I love the excitement of the holidays, family traditions and celebrating with friends and loved ones.  For many though, the excitement is mirrored with the frustration of trying to make everyone happy and meeting the unrealistic expectations of making sure that everything is perfect.

As a people-pleasing perfectionist, I find myself saying yes to other people. And if I’m not careful, I can quickly feel overwhelmed and out of control.  Sound familiar?

But saying yes to others, many times means saying no to ourselves and what is important to us. Have you ever said yes because you felt like you couldn’t or shouldn’t say no?

So why can one little word be so hard to say?  Perhaps it’s because we don’t want the other person to be mad at us.  Maybe we feel obligated or guilty if we say no.  We think it would be easier to do it ourselves now than have to go back and redo it later. We might be seen as unhelpful, selfish or not a team player. And we for sure don’t want to let anyone down. No matter the reason, saying yes when we want to say no can cause resentment and hard feelings.  I speak from experience.

On (way) more than one occasion I’ve heard “YES” coming out of my mouth, but in my head, I heard “NOOOOO!” I don’t have enough time!  I’ve got so many other things to do.  How am I going to get it all done?  Then I start feeling responsible not only for my own success, but for everyone else’s as well. I can quickly find myself worrying and stressing in advance about meeting everyone else’s (perceived) expectations of the holiday celebrations, family gatherings, and of course, the “Magical Christmas”.

I stress out about how stressed out I’m GOING to be!

So here are a few ways you can say YES to yourself this holiday season:

  1. Decide what’s important to YOU. What is it that you want?
  2. Set expectations and communicate them to others. CLEAR IS KIND.  UNCLEAR IS UNKIND.
  3. Plan ahead. Schedule time on your calendar to shop, cook, rest, etc. just like you schedule your work.
  4. Don’t judge yourself. What are the stories you’re making up about other’s expectations of you?
  5. Give yourself grace. Instead of worrying about letting others down, don’t let yourself down.

Happy Holidays, IOM!  Yes or No?  That is the question. What are you going to choose?

 

Avatar photo
Leah Brown Waterman

For almost 30 years, Leah Brown has helped inspire over 20,000 people to find and reach their full potential. As a Certified Life & Leadership Coach for Executives and Teams, she uses her expertise in Relationship Building, Communication, Team Building and Leadership Development to teach, train and facilitate improved leadership performance within industries such as the military, healthcare, retail, manufacturing, real estate, finance, and education.

Her energetic approach to learning through experience and storytelling engages audiences, involves them in the learning process and creates opportunities to connect with their teams across roles and functions, building stronger relationships. She is consistently recognized for powerful environments of change, growth, performance and excellence for leaders, teams, and individuals. Her full range of curriculum and coaching is designed to help teams build trust, strengthen relationships, and improve collaboration and performance.

Leah not only brings out the best in individuals, she builds stronger, high-impact teams. Leah is a Certified Dare to Lead™ Facilitator, Dale Carnegie Trainer, Instructor for the University of Louisville College of Business Executive Education Program, and faculty member of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce Institute for Organization Management.

Leah has one goal in life-and that’s to help people live and lead with courage, authenticity, but MOST of all joy. Living by the motto “I GET TO instead of I HAVE TO” helps Leah keep her own life in perspective.

When she isn’t on the road teaching and coaching, Leah is at home in Louisville, Kentucky enjoying time with her husband, Louis, and their dogs-Ari and Maggie. Each year Leah and her husband are horse owner hosts for the most exciting 2 minutes in sports, the Kentucky Derby.

Leah believes that bacon is a vegetable, fruit is made for pie, your Derby Hat can NEVER be TOO BIG!

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